7am Airplane Etiquette

There is something simultaneously empowering and debilitating about getting up at 5:30am to catch a flight to Fairbanks  where the trusted phone assures me it is -11C.  What it was definitely not was an experience, the second in as many weeks, where i felt like being nice to strangers halfway through my first cup of coffee.

I wandered onto the plane and sat down next to an octogenarian and her fifty something year old daughter. the old lady peered up at me with the evil eye, as if my having the window seat was somehow eroding her joy and as if i had beaten her with a club and taken it. Not to be daunted by this evil eye at the crack of dawn, i politely smiled and said good morning, refusing to let my business day tripper swagger be tainted by this woman.

The next blow to my fragile ego came when i turned on the light to do the cross-word however. I could swear that the old lady not only gave me the stink-eye but actually tsked at me!  who does that??

So, i am making some rules and you should all feel free to add to the list. here's the shit you have no business doing to other people on airplanes:

1. glaring at people for existing. bad call. if it weren't the fast, i might just hit you. 
2. tsk at me because i use my american-given right (since freedoms and rights are interchangeable around here) turn on the light on the plane. 
3. touch people. no one did that to me. but i am pretty sure it should be a rule. unless they are very  attractive, consenting, adult (q, i'm talking to you), and married to you if you are married.
4. drop your seat back at the exact same moment the flight attendant hands out drinks in the row behind you. yes. you in 7d--you are either evil or evil. either way--i am talking to you. thiiiiiiiis close to a lap full of someone else's drink thanks to you. nothing ruins business swag like drink covered pants in a city without a decent mall.
5. sticking your entire body in front of the window for 20 minutes. share the window people, you don't need to try to lean out it to see. i mean, i am not asking for you to tell me if you see moose, i would just like to know there's land out there. 
6. what am i missing folks??