Thursday, August 4, 2011

to the 8 legged creatures...

Dear Spiders.

I am not pleased to have to acknowledge your existence. However, there seems to be a striking increase in the number of you who are lurking in the last week. Please remember that circa 1984 we developed an understanding, wherein i would search every room before bedtime and kill all of you or have someone else kill you. while i recognize that you may now think you are safe because the other human in my home doesn't like to kill living things, i would like to remind you i have no such qualms. this reminder notice covers not only the home, but also extends to the work place, the car and anywhere else i find you within death distance.

Please consider yourselves on notice that i will kill you, yo mama, and yo cousin, too, if you decide to come visit me again.

Worst wishes,

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