introspection.

**first a side note: anchorage (which had melted like 80% of its snow when i landed last night) welcomed me back this morning with this:

i have not been a nice person for the last few months. the bar and job hunting have been challenging. the trip allowed me some time to face up to all of that and to decide i need to remember to be a better version of myself. to that end, i'm lucky to have a husband who loves me despite my best efforts to drive him crazy.  i wrote this a year ago for him, but it still stands.

for so long, i wrote in search of you

but, i looked in all the wrong places,

dug through the ruins of my nightmares--

the relics of my misplaced idols--

the faded photographs of echoes long gone.

so deep in my confusion

i almost lost my best love.

and you, with your time less patience,

unsung heroism and humble strength

never lost your faith in me.

you raised me up

from my manic playground,

held me tight while i shook

and trembled, pushed and tested

until i learned a new meaning

for unconditional.

until i relinquished the chains of my self bondage

and learned to truly love,

to believe that the magic of that word could be mine.

you are the greatest gift of my life,

the greatest partner for my soul.