home inspections....physical and spiritual

i would like to say that i think we all have this naive idea....but it might have just been me. the idea being that once you find a home, the universe aligns, the stars become perfect constellations that somehow transmit suggestions of colors, design, and lottery ticket numbers so that you can afford the PERFECT library reading chair you found.

brace for bubble bursting. it's bullshit. (like all the b's...i'm working on my alliteration).

i went to our home inspection and really liked the guy who did it. Kevin Jones with Quality Home Inspection in Anchorage----FYI. He was charming, answered all my questions regardless of how silly they were, told me all the things i could do to make the place better, was a total perfectionist, and more or less refused to talk when the seller's agent showed up to watch part of the inspection.

turns out there are three good sized spiders living under the house. good to know. i am sure as hell not going down there. the back door doesn't seem to open anymore. Not sure why, but i think that's a problem. and a few other things that are odds and ends, but need to get fixed. it is this strange limbo place...the post inspection wait. you send your list, coupled with your hopes and dreams, to people you have never met and pray that perhaps they will do the right thing (unlike the laminate they clearly installed themselves) and fix the things on your list---especially since you weren't petty enough to ask for EVERYTHING, just that windows and doors function.

i spend a lot of time reading websites about kids with incurable illness, the blogs of their daily life, pet adoption things, Gol's tear creating letters to her son, Dus's endless speed cyclones in his mind, and generally any heartbreaking, heart-wrenching, heart swelling thing i can.i think i do it to remind myself of the bounties i have each day, how beautiful life can be. i also read a critique of that author i told you about in the last post--someone accused her of being whiny. it made me realize that there is a certain level of honesty that most people are not comfortable with. The parents of those sick kids are---they are honest about their heartbreak, anguish, suffering. The animals are--there's no hiding abandonment or hurt. With Gol it is the purity of the depth of her love for Phix.  but the majority of mere mortals and angels in hiding among us are really uncomfortable being honest about struggles. the reason i like Ms. Lamott's books is the same reason that i read the websites/blogs --- i feel soothed by the honesty they bring, the lack of pretense, the purity of faith and tests and struggle, the ability to admit that there may not be right answers.

that's what i try to conform my writing to---to be honest with all of you about the fact that i clearly have all kinds of fantastic notions about life, but no real answers besides faith in a Creator who seems to bail me out a lot. so, in that vein, i created this fabulous perfect, spider free house--which as it turns out has some issues. Here's to hoping they are willing to fix them rather than lose the sale and send us back to the hunt.