for the record: i am not depressed

Apparently entitling a post "still sad" as a reference to one's friend not being able to come to one's wedding has sent cyber space into a frenzy of believing that i am on the verge of sad and depressedness, causes not limited to Adam's being away, seasonal affective disorder, and general law school blah.

I AM FINE people! i eat, i take vitamins, i do homework. i am a creature who loves the sun. thus, when temps are not over 75 constantly, i get grumpy. This is related to being a Southerner and then living in Middle Eastern deserts for nearly 4 years. I'm like a lizard...i like to glean energy from the big burning mass of goodness in the sky. Alaskan life will involve frequent weekend jaunts to Hawaii (cheaper in fact than coming back to Seattle).

This weekend, however, involved doing some grocery shopping (yay), reading lots of Power of One, and watching much too much West Wing (Mona my love you are missed). The last time i watched whole seasons in one day was with Mona---we were camping in the living room for days on end. God bless whole seasons of things when you have cable with either limited english stations that play only Buffy the Vamp Slayer re-runs or (as in the present case) just seem to have no useful programming in 100 channels. I heart me some West Wing.

If you remain concerned, I do however like shiny things and chocolate. feel free to send either.
Thanks!
--me.

still sad

about the previous blog post. Although, my sad is rapidly sliding towards indignation.

i head to Anchorage in a week for the long weekend--which, to be painfully honest, is not a moment too soon. i have taken to having hysterical emotional breakdowns for no reason and calling to tell poor fiancee that i have sock fuzz between my toes. Clearly, relationships are work and between me and the bar he's getting one hell of a work out. it's been no piece of cake for him either and he's developed a compulsive need to go to Fred Meyer every day....seriously EVERY DAY usually for a singular thing.

We finally had some warm weather and i, who really ought to have known better, got lulled into a false sense of warmth because of the two days over 70. This morning the lightly misting rain put a major damper on my spirits...buzz kill. The sun has now proceeded to go back to its hiding place. I'm hoping that Anchorage will yet again trump Seattle in the warmth and sunnyness department as we hike around and explore the hippy dippy Girdwood Forest Fair near Alyeska. Actually, i'm totally dreading the Fair because of all the arts and crafts. What i mean is that i have an enormous weak spot for ceramics. i want a whole house with only ceramic plates and cups and dishes and stuff...not unlike the Ravines family. Apparently, this Fair is a great site for such finds and i am going to have to make sure not to carry the credit cards or much cash.

In other news, my marauding around bookstores lead me to a great find: The Power of One by Bryce Courtenay. I remember watching this movie at boarding school when i was younger, but so rarely do books do justice to the movie. So, i picked up the book to refresh my memory and am having a really hard time putting it down. It is incredibly heart wrenching and well written.

Doughnuts can't fix this.

This person won't be at our wedding:

It makes me VERY sad and a more than a little grumpy. It also makes me feel VERY guilty because he got into this great international moot court competition and has finals the same week as my grad/wedding. grrr.

blisters and stupidity

We have Alaskan hiking plans for 4th of July weekend. This, in conjunction with my getting winded going up more than ten stairs, convinced me that i needed to try to get some more exercise. Thus, i decided to hike. So today, in honor of the sun, i went up to Tiger Mountian. Lail and i were up there last weekend to do a bunch of kiddie trails (i.e. ones that were flat). I decided to do the ever popular West Tiger 3 trail.

It's 6 miles roundtrip to an elevation of 2522 feet.

Mile 1: my lungs screamed. i could hear them. also, i remembered i forgot my water in the car and tried drinking spring water. it tasted good.

Mile 2: lungs whimpering. make a new redneck friend primarily because i saw the water in his back pocket was unopened. he ruined the silence and woodpecker noises by burping loudly.

Mile 2.5: my legs started protesting. they attempted to negotiate a turn around. luckily said redneck was really encouraging and so i kept walking because between Beyonce on my iPod and the nonstop monologue of dude i forgot to stop.

Mile 3: hello Summit. the Puget Sound is pretty. Time to turn around.  i trade the cereal bar in my pocket for the first swig of the freshly opened bottle of water.

Mile 4: Moseying on down. my hands were sufficiently swollen to make the edges of my engagement ring look flat....~1.5 cms on either side. ok, i get it fatty fingers...shouldn't have left the water bottle in the car.

Mile 5: i decide that my lungs feel too comfortable....so i start jogging down the hill. . 2 miles later, my lungs are still fine, but my abs say screw you and my right big toe announces that its getting a blister. i said, that's nice toe, too bad we are a mile from the car. "Airplanes" on repeat drowned them all out.

Mile 6: way too pleased with myself and way can't actually walk anymore.

I have HUGE blisters, a sunburn, an oversized ego, and a really good day in the bag.

powerlessness

it seems a little counter intuitive to my plot to take over the universe that to succeed and really excel i need to admit my powerlessness. as someone who has had many a friend go through the twelve step process and as someone whose Faith requires an obligatory prayer each day which attests to my powerlessness, i get that it is important to be humble, to realize the world does not revolve around me and that perhaps there are something i just cannot acheive on my own. that was a really unnecessarily long sentance. the point is, i relish being self-sufficient, independant and in control. the truth is that i am often none of those things. again, counterintuitively, it seems to make it easier for me to channel my angst into productive directions when i have to decipher which battles are within my control and which are not.

for example, getting up on my soapbox and slaying the dragon  known as BP for its wanton disregard for both human life and the environment is something i am truly powerless and very pissed about. Today, they found a jelly fish full of oil:

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

today, i attest to my powerlessness, great despair, and sincere hope that BP gets its *#)$ together FAST.

pensiveness

most of the time, i avoid talking about things that are too serious. some of my friends lay their hearts on their blogs, tell you all their secrets in poetic verse or flat out. today, i'm going to do my best to follow in their footsteps.

this evening, talking to one of my oldest and closest friends, i learned about the death of someone we grew up with. i remember him as a sweet child, fiesty, and full of life. life dealt him a rough stack of cards. for the worse, his life turned to crime..murders, robberies, a whole long list. life doesn't always pan out the way we expect. he was killed last week during a home invasion.

i in no way condone any of his actions. his choices ran counter to the things i believe in and the way i have chosen to live my life. never the less, i mourn the loss of someone i watched grow up, someone who came from a strong, proud mother who always tried to do the right thing, someone who leaves behind a passionate, lovely sister. i mourn that we live in a society in which children can grow up to be thugs.

i want a better world. i want a place where i don't have to have another person i grew up with land in jail or die because the violence they have surrounded themselves with. i mourn the loss of a bit of my optimism.

Advice for job seekers

having conducted several interviews for candidates for various positions at work over the last few weeks (and having flopped an interview of my own a few years ago) i have some modest advice.

1. please limit the number of "ums" per answer to 2 max. 43 in one answer does not bode well for a check in the articulate column.
2. please answer the question. usually, we are asking something simple. feel free to think before you respond, that doesn't bother me nearly as much as you not answering me.
3. please do not talk for 4 minutes straight without breathing.
4. please do not lie on your resume. or at least, make sure the person you say you are working for was actually alive during the years you indicate you were working for said person. especially if google and the new york times obituary will blow up your story in 10 seconds.
5. please know something about the organization you are applying for....when you get asked why you want to work there--have a good answer...or at least any answer.

thank you.

i was a hunter

All i asked for in Alaska was a Moose. ok, not really, but it was pretty important. I reeeeeeeally wanted to see a moose, because for some reason this means that the whole cold and no sun thing is acceptable. There are moose, you see, just ambling about--how could the world be wrong? Well, for starters, the mooses didn't want to see me.

Here's how you go on a moose hunt.

1. Check your parking lot.  Moose? FAIL. go to step 2
2. Go to U of AK Anchorage student housing which normally boasts a herd. Moose? FAIL. go to step 3
3. Go to infamous "Moose Pond" in Eagle River. It will be a half hour drive. You will want candy or a snack.  It's supposed to look like this picture i stole from some pediatrician in Wasilla's website:

Moose in the spot where there are almost always moose and occasionally a bear? Epic FAIL. go home.  To add salt to your wounds, then have fiance call a mere 6 hrs later to tell you he saw a moose on his drive home just hanging out in somone's yard eating flowers. Rumor has it Mooses have a Tulip-Tooth--as in really like to eat Tulips.

memorial day weekend

i thought alaska and i had an understanding. it was pretty simple. mostly, alaska seemed to agree...and then in the final moments, winked its eye and said you'll have to wait. See, i wanted a few things...i wanted

1. warm. check. 70s and sunny. this is outside our new apartment in south-ish anchorage. importantly, rather close to the Moose's Tooth--a tasty pizza joint.

2. Pretty scenery. Check...Turnagain arm, Beluga point, and a Rolls Royce.

3. To meet Alyeska--my new home mountain. Check...this is Alyeska and its wicked view.

4. Spend time with good friends....Check. Meet Mark.

Things that did not go according to my plan: no mosquitos and find a moose.